Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve seen the horrific video of Fabolous.
In it, the rapper can be seen lunging toward the mother of his children Emily B. in front of their New Jersey home with their toddler hysterically crying in the background. Screaming and having to be held back by body guards, Fab also threatened to put a bullet in Emily’s father and brother who were only there to remove any guns out the house because they feared he would use them on her.
Prior to the video surfacing, police reports claim that Fab recently punched out a woman—believed to be Emily—seven times in the face, causing her to lose two of her teeth. According to Bossip, the report also stated that Fab texted Emily to “inform her that he would hit her in the head with a baseball bat” and later “informed the victim that he had a bullet for her” after trying to buy a handgun.
While many of us side with Emily on this one, as we should, we know that when it comes to domestic violence (DV) cases, especially high-profile ones, people are quick to defend men like Fab. Like Chris Rock once said, “That train is never late.”
As soon as TMZ dropped the damning video, social media lit up with folks literally refusing to believe that Fab could be capable of abuse. One man, who we’re sure has never met the rapper, said that “Fab is too chill of a person to beat anyone.”
Others blamed Emily for what happened, wondering what she did to provoke the violence, denied that any violence went down because of lack proof and even questioned why she has stayed with Fab so long if the relationship is actually violent. (Of course these same people don’t take into account how dangerous is it for women to leave these types of relationships.)
Even worse: Fab’s fans cheered him on at a recent NYC concert as he thanked them for supporting him in the wake of these charges. Oh, and let’s not forget that The Game added his horrible two cents on Instagram claiming that social media was to blame for breaking up this “Black family” and that the couple’s children will suffer if they lose their father.
Sadly, men aren’t the only ones co-signing on this nonsense.
Lil Mo asserted that out of loyalty she plans to “Olivia Pope this whole situation” before she lets “somebody take my brother down.”
What’s even more infuriating than seeing Black women internalize misogyny is the idea that we need an outrageous amount of evidence to prove that DV actually occurred. Ironically, when unarmed Black men are shot and killed by overzealous police, we don’t need body cam footage to collectively understand that state violence and brutality is real, persistent and disproportionately impacts our community.
But be clear: So is domestic violence.
Black women are disproportionately vulnerable to this type of violence and are less likely to seek help. According to a 2017 CDC report, Black women are three times as likely than White women to be murdered with 98 percent of those homicides being committed by men, mostly intimate partners. Also, the majority of these deaths were committed with firearms (you know the same items that Emily’s family was trying to remove from her home).
So what’s really going on here?
First, for generations we’ve been trained to protect Black men at all costs, even if it’s at Black women’s expense. We’ve been told that Black men are an endangered species, have targets on their backs and are at the most-risk by a racist America that is out to get them. And on the flip side, Black women have been told that while we experience racism, we have it easier, are indestructible and are better off in this world.
And while we love our brothas and even start movements in their name, putting them first by any means necessary has fostered a dangerous culture that makes it extremely difficult for sistas to speak out against any abuse they’ve experienced by Black men. (Think: Who wants to be accused of being a “race traitor” or a “negro bed wench”?) It also creates The Games and Lil Mo’s of the world who will come up with most illogical and Fox News-eque reasoning to deny the fact that there are Black men that can and do abuse women.
But there’ another reason why folks swear that Emily B or Janay Rice provoked their own abuse or blame Korryn Gaines for why police killed her or continue to support R. Kelly. ’Cause deep down, too many of y’all hate Black women.
Just ask Hotep Twitter, we’re inherently problematic.
Honestly, what else could it be? The only plausible reasons why anyone would defend or make excuses for men like Fab would have to be grounded in toxic masculinity and misogynoir (misogyny directed towards Black women).
And if you are one of these men, it’s time to look deep inside yourself and ask why Fab’s life and word means more than Emily’s. And no, the answer isn’t about women conspiring against you. Perhaps it’s time to start being truthful about how hard you work to conspire against our bodies, well-being and happiness.
When It Comes To Domestic Violence, Why Do Folks Still Defend The Men? was originally published on hellobeautiful.com