Daddy Issues

Historically Black men were often sold off or ran away. Then welfare stated that if an able bodied man lived in the home the family could not receive benefits. Women were asking their men to leave the home because it would disqualify them from the benefit. Then the women’s movement took hold of the US shortly after WWII. It was a necessity.

The fathers were off at war and women had to provide. Soon women began less reliant on men and co-signed the notion that a man was not needed in the home for the family to thrive.

It has been proposed that the systematic “removal” of fathers has and will continue to leave families exposed to government control.

It is proposed by various psychologists, that the brain development of a child is negatively impacted by the lack of a nurturing father. The father’s role, anthropolically is to teach by utilizing play and the hands on practicality of matters. This parental role has been proven fundamental in shaping the social skill development of children and youth.

Emotional disorders and depression are more likely within children from father absent or non-residential households. The disorders are reported as a result of psychological vulnerability that the child perceives due to the father’s absence.

Academia

The following is from the newsletter Common Sense & Domestic Violence, 1998 01 30

Allegations of family violence are the weapon-of-choice in divorce strategies. Lawyers, and paralegals in women’s shelters, call them “The Silver Bullet”. False abuse allegations work effectively in removing men from their families. The impact that the removal of fathers has on our children is horrific. The following lists some of the consequences of the removal of fathers from the lives of their children.

The Impact on our Children

Inter-spousal violence perpetrated by men is only a small aspect of family violence. False abuse allegations are only a small tile in the mosaic of vilifying the men in our society. They serve well in successful attempts to remove fathers from the lives of our children.

Here are some statistics resulting from that which show more of the whole picture.

• 79.6% of custodial mothers receive a support award

• 29.9% of custodial fathers receive a support award.

• 46.9% of non-custodial mothers totally default on support.

• 26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on support.

• 20.0% of non-custodial mothers pay support at some level

• 61.0% of non-custodial fathers pay support at some level

• 66.2% of single custodial mothers work less than full time.

• 10.2% of single custodial fathers work less than full time.

• 7.0% of single custodial mothers work more than 44 hours weekly.

• 24.5% of single custodial fathers work more that 44 hours weekly.

• 46.2% of single custodial mothers receive public assistance.

• 20.8% of single custodial fathers receive public assistance.

[Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 – U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services – Office of Income Security Policy]

• 40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the fathers visitation to punish their ex-spouse.

[“Frequency of Visitation” by Sanford Braver, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry]

• 50% of mothers see no value in the fathers continued contact with his children.

[“Surviving the Breakup” by Joan Berlin Kelly]

• 90.2% of fathers with joint custody pay the support due.

• 79.1% of fathers with visitation privileges pay the support due.

• 44.5% of fathers with no visitation pay the support due.

• 37.9% of fathers are denied any visitation.

• 66% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to the inability to pay.

[1988 Census “Child Support and Alimony: 1989 Series” P-60, No. 173 p.6-7, and “U.S. General Accounting Office Report” GAO/HRD-92-39FS January 1992]

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.

[U. S. D.H.H.S. Bureau of the Census]

• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.

• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.

[Center for Disease Control]

• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes.

[Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol. 14 p. 403-26]

• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.

[National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]

• 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes

[U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept., 1988]

• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.

[Fulton County Georgia Jail Populations and Texas Dept. of Corrections, 1992]

• Nearly 2 of every 5 children in America do not live with their fathers.

[US News and World Report, February 27, 1995, p.39]

There are:

• 11,268,000 total custodial mothers

• 2,907,000 total custodial fathers

[Current Populations Reports, US Bureau of the Census, Series P-20, No. 458, 1991]

What does this mean? Children from fatherless homes are:

• 4.6 times more likely to commit suicide,

• 6.6 times to become teenage mothers (if they are girls, of course),

• 24.3 times more likely to run away,

• 15.3 times more likely to have behavioral disorders,

• 6.3 times more likely to be in a state-operated institutions,

• 10.8 times more likely to commit rape,

• 6.6 times more likely to drop out of school,

• 15.3 times more likely to end up in prison while a teenager.

(The calculation of the relative risks shown in the preceding list is based on 27% of children being in the care of single mothers.)

and — compared to children who are in the care of two biological, married parents — children who are in the care of single mothers are:

• 33 times more likely to be seriously abused (so that they will require medical attention), and

• 73 times more likely to be killed.

[“Marriage: The Safest Place for Women and Children”, by Patrick F. Fagan and Kirk A. Johnson, Ph.D. Backgrounder #1535.]

Effects of father absence have been identified among young females with many effects varying significantly by ethnicity and SES status. Low self-esteem, heightened promiscuous attitudes and an extreme difficulty in forming and maintaining romantic relations later in development are frequently associated outcomes for girls of fatherless homes. As young women submit to atypical moral behavior most often resulting from the sought attention of males, the societal affects are increased. Teen pregnancy, increased sexually transmitted diseases, increased child poverty, increased out of wedlock births and increased criminal behavior exhibited in most cases, by the children of the young mothers.

Additionally, male children appear to be most dramatically effected by the absence of the biological paternal figure. Of particular concern are issues of masculine identity development, academic success and social cognition. All of the follow are essential elements of successful integration into Western adult life and fulfillment as a male provider.

The Spirit

Despite the academics, the ultimate authority states:

“and my wrath will burn, and I will kill you with the sword, and [Psalm 109:9; Lam 5:3] your wives shall become widows and your children fatherless” Exodus 22:24 (Whole Chapter)

In other words, if society abandons it’s reverence then the children will be fatherless and the women with be without wives….does that sound familiar?

The entire book of Proverbs is a FATHER teaching his son about life. The instruction offered from father to son is a totally different perspective than that offered from a mother to a son….and vice versa for a female child.

“Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin.”

Deut 24:16

The sins of your father ARE NOT YOUR burdens to bear! Go forth and LIVE fruitfully!

The Choices• LOVE what you make…the children did not ask to be brought here.

• Find ways to be an active participant in YOUR child’s developmental life span.

• Resolve those negative perceptions that keep marriage and commitment out of reach.

• BREAK THE CYCLE. Wait for the healthy relationship instead of the convenient one. WORK to grow a healthy and viable relationship that will stand the test of time.

• MAKE BETTER CHOICES PERIOD…LIVES ARE LITERALLY AT STAKE!! ASK BETTER QUESTIONS

o What are you looking at when “on the prowl”?

-Big ole bootie, cute face, big ole thighs? Seriously? The physical attributes that once attracted you are temporary and can do absolutely nothing to raise YOUR seed.

o What are you looking for in a help mate, life partner, SPOUSE?

• Have very authentic conversations with your children about your relationship with their mother that steer clear of bashing.

• Be more proactive in preventing unwanted pregnancy (e.g., condoms, birth control, abstinence, etc.)

o Planned Parenthood

The Resources

BOOKS/ARTICLES:

Book: Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem by David Blankenhorn

Amato, P.R. (1991). Parental absence during childhood and depression in later life. Sociological Quarterly, 32 (4), 543-556.

Gallagher, Maggie (1998). Fatherless Boys Grow Up Into Dangerous Men. The Wall Street Journal

Mott, F.L. (1994). Sons, Daughter and Father’s Absence: Differentials in father-leaving probabilities and in-home environments. Journal of Family Issues, 15(1), 97-128.

Mitchell, D., & Wilson, W. (1967). Relationship of Father-absence to masculinity and popularity of delinquent boys. Psychological Reports, 20 (June), 1173-1174.

ONLINE:• http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html

• http://www.cbmdc.org/ – Concerned Black Men DC chapter for programs and volunteerism

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev72qvsSd5 (the sources of information are not listed)

• http://fathersforlife.org/fatherhood/fatherlessness_table_contents.htm

written by: Royal-Ti